he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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