a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
