My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
