I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
