Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
