this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
