dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
