my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
