We named our party play list daddy issues
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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