I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I look better un-naked...
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
