No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
