we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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