Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
