I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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