I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
