I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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