i don't like sucking hair
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Randomize
