He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
