When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
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