I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
