Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
