well I can't set my house on fire every night
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
