you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
