I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
