I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I have already put on my inside pants.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
