so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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