I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
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