Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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