I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
