Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
