im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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