I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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