There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
