hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
