Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
