operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished�
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Randomize
