Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
