Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
