i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
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