I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
he just fucked me for my cheese.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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