Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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