All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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