kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
