My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
