That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Randomize
