You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
