i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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