That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
We left the knife in your bed.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
