how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
