census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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