He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
