So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
This is my gift to your gina
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
