If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i barfeds in our rink
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
How many fucks given?
0.12846
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
