No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
