the condom got lost in my hair
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize
