Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
