ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
