I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
