I am midnight drunk by noon
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
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