Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
