on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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