If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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