I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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