Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
