I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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